How will your pets deal with the Rapture?
An eternal debate in Christian sects is that of – will pets be in heaven when we get there? Disregarding the obvious – that Christian doctrine requires that one must believe in God, and that Jesus was the son of God and died for the world’s sins, and that belief in those is the only “true way to salvation” – then we come to a logical roadblock. Why would pets care? Most modern, Western Christians believe in a rapture; a time when Jesus will return to earth and take all the faithful back into heaven with him, leaving the unbelievers here to suffer. So what happens to your pets then?
Well, worry no further! Eternal Earth-Bound Pets, USA will make sure that your pet is taken care of in case animals don’t care too much for heading up through the pearly gates.They offer the service of matching your pet up with a secular, pre-screen pet lover who will care for your pooch in case it gets left behind. The service only costs $115, plus $15 per extra pet, and the contract lasts 10 years.
Seriously – these people are geniuses. I can’t believe someone hadn’t thought of this sooner. Here’s to hoping they made a bundle. Check out their Terms of Service:
- Eternal Earth-Bound Pets, USA (EE-BP) is not liable, and no refunds will be made, in the event of the loss, death, sale, or transfer of a subscriber’s pet(s) prior to the Rapture and during the coverage period of the contract.
- Service period commences with receipt of payment. Service contract expires ten (10) years from date of receipt of payment.
- Change in address of the original owner/subscriber residence will be honored upon notification via email to EE-BP as long as the new address is within EE-BP’s existing service area. No refunds will be made for address changes outside of EE-BP’s service area during the contract period. Our service covers only one (1) rescue address per contract and fee.
- In the event of the death of the subscribing pet owner prior to the Rapture the contract will remain in effect. EE-BP will continue to honor the contract for the remainder of the contract period. We do not adopt / rescue animals except as a result of the Rapture occurance.
- If subscriber loses his/her faith and/or the Rapture occurs and subscriber is not Raptured (aka is “left behind”) EE-BP disclaims any liability; no refund will be tendered.
- Should a relative residing within the rescue location not be Raptured and opts to retain the pet(s), EE-BP will not take posession of the pet(s). No refund will be tendered.
- EE-BP neither makes or implies any other warranties or claims of any other services or products except as described in this website. EE-BP is not associated with any other animal/pet rescue service, foundation or entity.
- All sales are final.
- By contracting with EE-BP for post Rapture pet rescue service, subscriber confirms that he/she is 21 years of age or older and has read, understands, and agrees with all terms and conditions stated herein.
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Change in address of the original owner/subscriber residence will be honored upon notification via email to EE-BP as long as the new address is within EE-BP’s existing service area. No refunds will be made for address changes outside of EE-BP’s service area during the contract period.
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